Saturday, December 28, 2013

Sooooo, last week my darling James and I were doing a lil last minute Christmas shopping. Who am I kidding?  We were doing ALL of the Christmas shopping last week, but whatever. We happened to amble on into our local Big Lots looking for some goodies. Shortly after our arrival, we had a reenactment of the epic Luke and Vadar light saber battle in the rolled wrapping paper isle, complete with sound effects,  which earned us the deep reproachful stares of two old hags who definitely needed to loosen the pins in their updone buns. Pah! Like that's going to bother me.  Okay, well it did irritate me some. I mean it's not like we didn't pick up all the bows we scattered down the isle during the scene where James Skywalker loses his arm. And when Darth Mom said in her best Vadar voice "Shhhkkkkaaaa.... James...... Shhhhhhka...... I am your maaaaaathaaa, Shhhhhhka", James delivered a well placed smack upside my head, dropped his wrapping paper saber and split down the isle, skidding around into the toy isle where he was safe, all while emitting a scream that would make MaCauley Cullkin sit up and take note.  But hey! It's Christmas. And we're really immature.  So Neener Neerer Nee Nee.  

After the old bittys moved on we threw some of the paper sabers and bows in our cart and continued along. We did a bit more shopping and tried to behave ourselves with a good bit of success for the rest of our excursion through the store ( mostly because my ear was still smarting from James clobbering me with his wrapping paper sword). Well, that is until James spotted an end cap display of figurines that happened to have several "horses" in various gallant poses scattered among the shelves.  At this exact moment, the two beehive divas just happened to be strolling out of the isle nearest the end cap when James exclaimed ...  Well you might need to know that James has pretty moderate hearing loss in both ears and when he speaks he is pretty good at making himself heard. But when James is excited, people in Jamaica can hear him..... Now back to the "horses".....  Grouchy heifers were coming out of the isle when James, approximately 5 feet from the isle exclaims in his best, I'm wearing super serious headphones with my music cranked up into Motley Crüe decibel range, voice volume shouts "hey Mom, look there (pointing toward both horses and hags) ...Hores!!!!!  Let me make this perfectly clear, between James's hearing loss and his mild speech impediment, his exclamation of "horses" came out as a very clear  and resounding "whores".  Now, I usually have an inner debate with myself when this sort of thing happens on how to deal with it. I frequently try to finesse a reply that let's people who might hear our exchanges know what innocent thing James was trying to express, without tipping James off that he may have spoken incorrectly, ie: "Yes James, Those are some pretty horses". 

Without so much as batting an eye I replied "yup son, I see them" and we turned away and headed for the checkout line. I'm sure that those women called a special emergency prayer meeting for James that night.  I wonder if my photo is hanging somewhere in one of the local country clubs with a few darts stuck in it?  :o)