Sunday, January 24, 2016

Karma needs a day off ....

There are some days when as soon as you get up, there should be a giant flashing Karma warning directly in front of your bed. Mine would have gone off today. Got up and got a shower, woke James, got him in the shower. Everything was going well so far. Got both of us ready (including blow drying a ridiculous amount of hair, stick straight, which only took 20 minutes. Don't know why I bother, but I do it anyway. ) then headed to the kitchen to pack James's lunch and back pack. His lunch box and backpack are both sitting on the floor so I popped them up on top of the counter and stove top. I packed the lunchbox and shoved it down into the backpack. It's 6:35 in the morning so the fact that his backpack was hot just didn't get past my AM fog at that point but by the time I put his folder into his back pack, it was hot enough to get my attention. The stove burner was on and the backpack was resting on top of it. It burned the zipper pull right off and melted the plastic to my glass top burner. Isn't that awesome. I didn't really have time to properly analyze the OMG factor of my stove top being on at 6:35 am so I turned it off and continued about our morning routine, making a mental note to properly freak out about the fact that it could have been on all night at a more reasonable time of day.  We finished up our pre-work/school routine and headed out to the car.  Oh lookie lookie. Pea soup fog!  Why didn't I just leave my hair in the bride of Frankenstein style this morning instead of wasting precious pre dawn minutes styling it in a way that would take Mother Nature 12 seconds to completely rearrange into a light socket perm?  Oh well. Whatever. It's just hair. At least the house didn't burn down over night with us in it, right?  Right.  Priority check complete. Get in the car and James can't find his cell phone. Holy Crisis Hotline, Batman!  James can't go to school without his cell phone!  The earth with stop turning and gravity will cease to exist and all matter on earth with float off into the galaxy including us. So I call his cell phone from my phone and race back into the house to find it, narrowly escaping a devastating fall on uber smooth, now wet garage floor because fog happened. Im staggering around the dark  bumping into everything in the entire house, listening for his cell phone to ring. Nothing. I go back out to the garage and shout "is the ringer off on your phone"?  James is sitting in the car with the windows up protecting his do from Alfred Hitchcock quality fog so his response through the windshield is "huh"?  So I scream a little louder "is your dang ringer turned off"? Again through the windshield "what"?  I stomp back out to the car,  executing a perfect banana peel worthy slide on the wet garage floor, saving myself by grabbing at the motorcycle (knocking the side mirror cover off, gosh dang it ), and knock on the window hard enough to hurt my knuckles. James.... Opens the door (should have seen that coming) knocking into me and soaking my shirt with the wet door. "Oops, my bad". 
Ten, nine, eight, seven....  I don't have time to finish or we'll be late for school. "Where. Is. Your. Phone"?  "I found it in my pocket".  Six. Five. Four. Three two. One. We're all better off if I just finished the count down.  I finally get in the car, start it up and pull out of the driveway. I'm barely past my driveway when I hear ding ding ding. Crap on a cracker. I forgot I needed gas this morning. I had intended to leave early and stop on the way to school. Well, no time for that. I'll just have to run on fumes and prayers and I'll go get gas on my lunch break. We drive past Java Joe's and I decide that a nice Hot Chocolate will sooth my raw attitude this morning and if I hurry there is just enough to time to squeak through the drive thru and grab one. Except there are four people in line. I decided it was worth it and Java J is pretty quick anyhow.  I actually got my chocolate and somehow managed to get to work without running out of gas and with two whole minutes to spare. Score!  Things were looking up. Oh, well except for the fact that I was juggling too much stuff going into the school and spilled 1/2 of my scalding hot chocolate down my shirt and  directly between my tatas, soaking into my solid red shirt. First degree boob burns and dark brown stains running down my shirt, for the win please Alex. I managed to clock in and get James to his bus waiting for him in front of my school only for him to turn around just before boarding and saying in his best Tippy Hedren panic voice "Mom!!!!  I can't go to school!!!  I left my cell phone in the car".  I can't even be a psycho about this because both of my direct bosses (Principal and Asst. principal) are not just standing within ear shot, but are watching this exchange go down. As James stands in front of the school, I break all the rules by running in the hallways, past numerous students, to my car and retrieve his blasted phone. Phone delivered, kid on bus, bus gone. Breathe in, breathe out. I turn to head back to the teacher lounge to get my half a hot chocolate and purse and water.  The school day actually didn't go too badly except I tripped over a student and almost wiped out hard in the cafeteria at lunch, in front of 100 students and staff. Thank you Karma for sparing me that one humiliating fall, and I totally forgot to get gas at lunch. After school I went to the YMCA (on fumes and prayers again) to work out and wait for James. I had been wearing leggings all day. Nice stretchy comfy leggings. At the gym I changed into my nylon running shorts and hit the treadmill. It only took about 25 seconds to realize that the elastic waist band on my very old undies had long since given up the stretch. Apparently the only thing holding them up all day was my leggings. I spent 55 minutes on the treadmill (I'm no quitter) and I reached inside my running shorts no less that 42 times to pull my underwear back up over my rump.  I am certain that I provided a hefty amount of entertainment to the crowd of folks working out on the machines behind me.  
I'm seriously hoping Karma is exhausted tomorrow from all her stellar work today and stays home, in bed, all day!!!!